So it’s just emerged that The Killers frontman and solo artist Brandon Flowers has strangely been collecting his own facial hair in a bag for the past seven years. Yes.
In a cutting-edge interview with The Independent, Flowers has revealed that he first began the whiskery archive after first shaving off a beard and moustache that he’d been sporting during The Killers’ Sam’s Town tour back in 2008.
“I have a Ziploc bag full of hair,” Flowers proclaimed. “I’ll grow five or six days growth, make sure that the sink is dry, use an electric razor, catch it in the sink, and then I’m able to just scoop it into the bag!”
So in honour of Flowers’ far-out follicular fixation, we’ve brushed together a list of potential uses for the singer’s collected beard hair. Here’s a few ways we think he could put his stubble stash to good use:
Offer It As Part Of A Deluxe Edition Bundle With His New Album
Brandon Flowers is just about to release his sophomore solo album, The Desired Effect, and what better way to capitalise on diehard fans’ appetites for the maximum Brandon Flowers experience than by offering a few strands of his own DNA with every deluxe edition purchase.
Knit A Disgusting Sweater
Winter is coming, but forget your cheap department store thermals and name-brand hoodies this season, why not keep Jack Frost at bay with this 100% organic sweater, straight from Brandon Flowers’ face and direct to your chilled nips. Itchy? Just imagine you’re scratching a well-bearded Brandon Flowers and let the good times roll.
Sell It To Sad Hipsters Who Are Incapable Of Growing Their Own Beards
In case you didn’t know, the hipster beard craze has led to a burgeoning market for facial hair transplants for those wannabe well-whiskered metros whom follicular genetics has failed. Brandon Flowers could fully capitalise on this trend by offering his own beard shavings to the highest bald-faced bidder, who probably also liked Brandon Flowers before it was cool.
Donate it to Billy Corgan, of The Smashing Pumpkins
Seriously, his head must get really cold sometimes.
Glue It To His Entire Body And Take Up Residence In The Woods
Just think of how much fun Brandon Flowers could have stealing from picnic baskets, terrorising campers and generally toying with the emotions of BigFoot conspiracy theorists.
Become A Serial Killer
Because collecting human hair in a bag for seven years is just a wee bit serial killery.
But whatever you decide to do with your bags of beard shavings, Brandan Flowers, we still love you. And unlike hairlines, ours is a love that will never recede. Shave on, Brandon Flowers. Shave on.
Watch: Brandon Flowers – Can’t Deny My Love
