A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there was a First Order commander who had a lot of feelings.
In light of Star Wars: The Last Jedi hitting cinemas this week (no spoilers plz), the Force has awakened Twitter’s Emo Kylo Ren from his carbonite-like slumber, and he is back spurting moody teen angst with a sith-like vengeance.
ICYMI: two years ago when The Force Awakens came out, some anonymous but highly skilled LOLjedi created a parody Twitter account, reimagining the film’s helmeted bad guy as an emo kid, and the results made us all laugh hard enough to Sith our pants.
Emo Kylo Ren posted brooding tweets from the Dark Side about his life as a non-Rebel conformist, covering his various struggles from pursuing Darth Vader’s legacy to basic haircare.
*places Darth Vader's burned-out helmet on piano*
*painstakingly picks out the piano part to 'my immortal' with one finger*— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
And now, after a mysterious Luke Skywalker-like disappearance, he has returned to fulfil his destiny. And whine constantly about his parents.
Check out his new tweets, alongside some older gems, below.
WARNING: may give away elements of plot and tips for expertly applying guyliner.
dear diary
there have been some changes— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 15, 2017
i’ve been working out
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 15, 2017
i made a friend on skype
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 15, 2017
first i will reunite my chemical romance
next the empire— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) July 20, 2016
maybe if you have to go around telling people you are rebels all the time your rebellion is lame
just a thought— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) October 13, 2016
people act like my dad's not a pushover but lando calrissian has mispronounced his first name for YEARS and he's never even corrected him
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) August 29, 2016
dear diary
we're barbecuing with the Ewoks
I have a sunburn
I told my dad and he said "no, *i* have a SONburn"
I'm going indoors forever— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) July 4, 2016
this whole Rogue One movie sounds like biased anti-imperial propaganda but I will go just to see footage of Darth Vader in his prime
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) June 22, 2016
there is nothing worse than when you are watching a stirring tribute to young Darth Vader
and then someone has photoshopped in your mom— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 16, 2016
*violently overturns every table in the galaxy* https://t.co/cLaoMUDgDe
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) June 21, 2016
dear diary
I'm like 93% sure second base is when you touch a boob but Hux says it's a place on Dantooine— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) April 21, 2016
dear diary
mom says i cant have an ash tray in my bedroom
I tried to explain it's not for smoking it's for the remains of my enemies— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) April 5, 2016
dear diary
my mom missed my band concert
she said she was busy leading a galactic resistance but I had a clarinet solo— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) April 3, 2016
dear diary
i found a tutorial of what to do under your helmet to not damage your hair
it was useful
here's a picture pic.twitter.com/xXyQEw8hQk— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) April 1, 2016
dear diary
i wish people wouldn't say things cost an arm and a leg
my grandfather lost an arm and both legs and it wasn't a joking matter— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) March 22, 2016
*comes downstairs in pajamas*
*clears throat* there's been an awakening
are there pancakes?— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
mom please don't even pretend you know what I'm going through right now
also we are out of conditioner— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
dear diary
I told hux I did not think much of his name for our band
he said I should go solo
I told him never to mention that name again— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
*calligraphies DARTH VADER on the cover of all his notebooks in black magic marker*
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
you can't truly appreciate the imperial march until you hear it on vinyl
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
