Eagles of Death Metal

Jesse “Electric Boots’ Hughes swaggers into the Philadelphia dive bar like a hound dog on a hot day. Moustache in full force, he throws back a beer, leav ing the suds to drip from his worthy lip warmer.

Having recently released Heart On, a full tilt boogie assault of sexed up old school rock, Jesse is in definite “high” spirits, to say the least.

“Fuck yeah I’m having fun,” he slurs. “We’re in Philadelphia right now and I’m filled with the spirit of 76, in fact I got an 8 ball of the spirit of 76 for 200 hundred dollars so I’m going to go crazy wild tonight. There’s nothing like a good wild time.”

I realise this interview isn’t going to work unless I get drunk, so I order a double Jack Daniel’s on the rocks and tell the barmaid to keep them coming.

“You can keep me coming,” Jesse whispers to her across the bar, beer still dripping from his face.

He starts telling me about touring. “ Am I enjoying myself, I fucking love myself, of course I am you’d have to a fucking cock to not enjoy yourself doing what I’m doing I get paid to stand onstage and act like a fool. It’s the only job in the world where taking drugs is in the job description.”

With a live show described as everything from sweat drenched to sex stenched, the Eagles Of Death Metal have to be the most fun band in the world right now.

“That’s what we’re bringing, we’re the fun show and it’s hard to say no to the fun show. It’s like ‘ naaahh, I don’t think so you guys, I’m going to pass on the fun show,’ what people do that. And if they do I don’t want them there, get the fuck out shithead, go to the shithead show that’s somewhere else down the street. Maybe Limp Bizkit are playing or something.”

“What’s your beef with the Bizkit?” I ask sarcastically.

“I mean I got no beef with Bizkit, I just don’t like my biscuits limp, and I know about you, and I don’t know about most ladies but I’ll bet 9 to 1 odds that they don’t like their biscuits limps either. I like a hard biscuit bubby. So there’s no beef, there’s just no beef with these biscuits, you gotta have beef baby.”

I’m on my third drink by this point Jesse is on his fifth and he takes me into the bathrooms for a pep up. As he’s crouched over the seat I ask where the name came from.

“The thing with the name was that this guy was playing us this band that we thought was shit and he was trying to tell us it was death metal and we just weren’t having it,” he tells me amidst snorts and sniffles. “He was like dude come on this is heavy metal and I’m like bullshit this is like the Eagles Of Death Metal.”

We careen back into the bar and Jesse starts chatting the to bar maid again.

“I work out a lot of Venice beach you know, keeping the ladies happy, keeping the iron pumped, you know the basic stuff. I’ve got a lifetime membership to the Venice beach weightlifting society you know there’s a lot of iron down there. Normally I spot for a lot of hot hunky men, you know. Nobody spots as hard as I do. I’m trying to be a pro spotter but they’re not having it.”

Whether it’s his smooth as sandpaper voice or that soup skimmer of his, I don’t know, but the ladies they love Jesse. I ask how he’s treated in Australia.

“I’m going to tell you right now dude, I have gotten the hottest and horniest sex action in my life in your fine country. Like no holds barred, boggie sex action, in fact I hooked up with the hottest chick I’ve ever hooked up down under,” he says with a wink, “I ended up having to hide from her because I had nothing left to give, I was completely dehydrated, it was a damn tragedy I was shooting powdered blanks, standard tour problem in Oz, powdered emissions.”

“You should train up when you come down next time,” I tell him, “harden up.”

“Oh no honey, I’m going to be so hard by the time I come down under, I’m going to be ready for action. I love it down under, anyplace that has the Ute is alright with me.”

Our conversation trails off into hazy retelling of past conquests and pitfalls, as the drinks keep coming. The next interview comes in and politely asks me to wrap it up and is met with a confused look from both of us.

After a few seconds of argument I remember where I am and what I’m doing and wrap it up by asking what advice Jesse would give to aspiring musicians.

“Be willing to have sex with anybody for a chance to get to the top, and lie cheat steal kill anything.”

Sage advice from a wise man.

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