Iceland: Pollaponk – No Prejudice
Greg: Speaking of statements on gender identity and generally fostering an atmosphere of tolerance and acceptance, you can’t really go past Pollaponk, whose name is really fun to say and who know that you can be as didactic as you like as long as you wear some really bitchin’ sweatsuits in your video. If I had to call it right now, that sweet funk breakdown at 1:45 would win all the awards.
Nastassia: What’s happened here, I think, is that a couple of earnest Icelandic primary school teachers got together and decided to devise a message for Vladimir Putin. You know, in a way that’s both entertaining and educational. Surely in these contentious times, Europe, nay the world, could use an anthem of togetherness from a Scandinavian Wiggles.
Poland: Donatan & Cleo – My Slowianie
Nastassia: Cleo could be Poland’s answer to Beyonce. OK, maybe Iggy Azalea’s distant Slavic cousin. Whatever. This visual ode to the traditional art of butter-churning has been watched more than 40 million times on YouTube and has even prompted an English version of the song. Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure that’s the one we’re going to hear come show day.
Greg: The video is kind of like if the Benny Benassi Satisfaction video and any Die Antwoord clip ever went on exchange to Poland to study butter-churning. If these guys win, I hope they give the award to Cleo, because if the video is anything to go by, Donatand doesn’t seem to do anything. I guess he’s the Ryan Lewis to Cleo’s Macklemore, but even Lewis was able to stay on set long enough to ride a scooter in a fur coat or something.
Nastassia: Hey, Donatan should at least get a piece of the prize for doing his thing. Accordions don’t just hold themselves.
Malta: Firelight – Coming Home
Greg: Mumford & Sons announcing their hiatus must’ve been the happiest day of these guys’ lives. Lyrics bare more cliches than a Katy Perry album, but it’s quite an uplifting tune.
Nastassia: I always felt Eurovision needed more family-themed folk-country-rock fusion. Let’s just take a second to talk about that instrument. It’s like a cross between a guitar and a sitar, called a “mountain dulcimer” and comes from the Appalachian mountains in north America. TRIVIA!
France: Twin Twin – Moustache
Greg: I have a feeling this was written by whoever LMFAO get to write their songs for them. It’s kind of Beatles-esque in that they decided to write a catchy, quaint little pop tune about something totally innocuous. I guess what separates these guys from the Beatles is that they’re absolutely awful. Points for effort though. The frontman’s hair looks like it takes longer to assemble than Lordi‘s outfits.
Nastassia: Don’t let appearances distract you from the underlying message, though — these guys are actually making a deeply philosophical statement about a culture of hyper-consumption, by telling the story of a man who has everything he could possibly need in life, but won’t be satisfied until he gets a moustache. Get it? It’s a metaphor. I’m not kidding, I read their bio.
UPDATE 09/05/14: France has been eliminated from the competition.
Sweden: Sanna Nielsen – Undo
Nastassia: I thought we should include Sanna here, just out of respect. She finally made it to the Eurovision stage, after six previous attempts to represent Sweden. SIX! Talk about enduring perseverance. But, you know, seventh time’s a charm – hopefully she’s finally got the formula down pat. Key change? Check. Lazer lights? Check. Anthemic chorus? Check. Earnest hand reach to camera? Check. Made-up language? “Undo my sad” – you better believe that’s a check.
Greg: This song undoes my sad and makes my happy. Out of all the ones we’ve covered so far, this is arguably the most conservative entry — no sweatsuits, no butter-churning, no mountain dulcimers — but that little agrammatical twist makes this song so quaint it might as well have a cameo from Donatan in it.
Watch the 2014 Eurovision Song Contest Grand Final at 7:30pm Sunday, 11th May on SBS ONE.
